Beginning: Revision

The original assignment was to write a blog about a community that you are apart of. In my original draft I wrote about how the grocery store is a community and that I’m apart of it. My intro to my blog was boring and the sentences seemed like they were short and choppy. My original blog stated “What holds this group together is that the food supply is still coming to the store, so it keeps people returning to the store. The people in this group need the same thing, which is food.” I revised it so the senteces run smoothly together and the beginning grabs your attention.